


Freedom of Choice

by islasands



Series: Lambski [20]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Freedom of Choice, Love, M/M, Philosophy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-13
Updated: 2011-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-27 07:18:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/293122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islasands/pseuds/islasands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A philosophical discussion sends Sauli to sleep...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freedom of Choice

Sauli was tired, so he listened and watched.

“Bullshit,” Adam said. “What freedom of choice? What choices exactly, and whose freedom? We struggle to have a thought that is our own. We struggle because the west's way of knowing shit is all about form, not substance, structures, not dreams."

“The fact you can play that Wittgensteinian card proves my point; you’re so fattened up from gorging at the consciousness banquet you feel in a position to despise what it offers. Of course you’re privileged. Of course you have freedom of choice.”

“To choose what?" Adam's hands, always adjunct to his mental processes, jumped into the discussion. "To tell my own story?' he continued. "In a culture that makes more of itself by collecting and destroying other people’s stories? Imprisoning the stories of other cultures in order to make its own!The chains of our captivity are all the heavier for that very reason. We valorise consciousness while shitting in our own and everyone else's nest. That's how and why we waste our lives.”

“That’s nonsense and you know it. This is nothing but a language game and you, like me and every other fucker in the west, have the freedom to indulge in the luxury of playing it. You’ll eat tonight. You’ll sleep in a soft bed. Then you’ll tweet to the world about how you’re wasting time if you’re not doing what you love.”

Adam burst out laughing. “What do you expect? I’m in love. And I had little enough choice in that too.”

Sauli smiled at the sound of Adam’s laughter. He watched Adam’s hands for a while. Then he watched his face. Then he fell asleep.

“Hey my darling you,” a voice said. A kiss landed lightly on Sauli's lips. He had the strangest feeling that if he put his hand up the kiss would alight on his hand and walk across it on long delicate legs. Without opening his eyes he put his arms up to discover the owner of the voice. The voice’s owner put his arms around him and pulled him onto his lap.

“We sent you to sleep,” Adam said.

“I was always listening.” Sauli sat up. “With my eyes closed.”

Adam leant back and rested his head on the back of the couch. “Sleepy Sauli,” he said. His gaze began to slur. His bottom lip pushed up speculatively. He was processing the pressure of Sauli’s weight on his lap, the pleasurable fact of his face, the characteristic twiddling with the hair on the nape of his neck.

“I did stop listening,” Sauli admitted. “But only to have a dream.”

“Come to bed and tell me,” Adam said. They went to bed. They tended to the terms and conditions of their physical pact, and then, like apples lain red side up, lay facing one another in the rosy complacency of being true lovers.

“Tell me your dream,” Adam said.

“It was a sexual dream,” Sauli said reflectively.

“About me, I hope,” Adam said.

“No, not you, my love. In my dream I was walking along the sky. Very high. Walking along. And then I saw three people far away from me. They were a strange colour. I went up close to see. They were three very beautiful men with snow white hair as if they were old. But maybe they were not old. Their skin was not old but bright gold. Like painted gold.” He paused, remembering.

“What were they doing?”

“Nothing. They were lying on the sky. In a row.”

“Did you speak to them?”

“No. I watched. And then I saw them having erections.”

Adam smiled.

“Really, they did,” Sauli went on. “They had the erections and then they exploded - ...” Sauli made a gesture with his hand. “And the explosions went shooting up, right out of the sky and into space. And in the eye of my mind I could see into space and I saw the sperm turn into stars. I am thinking they are stars.”

Adam laughed. “That is the best big bang theory ever. The universe  - someone’s wet dream.”

“But when I looked more close they were not stars. They were living things. Spiders. Or maybe they had wings.”

“And then what happened?” Adam put his arm around Sauli’s waist.

Sauli shrugged. “I came home,” he said.

Adam’s fingers sought and then traversed the pathway of Sauli’s spine.

“Then the dream _was_ about me,” Adam said.

Sauli smiled, gratified as always by Adam’s self-centredness. “All my dreams are that,” he said.

They began to drift off. Adam suddenly spoke into the darkness. “Do you choose to love me?” he said.

“I don’t know,” Sauli murmured.

Adam, sighing in deep appreciation of Sauli's answer, relinquished the hand of consciousness and took the hand of sleep.

 

 

 

 

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End file.
